The Superwoman Syndrome

Superwoman

She is the perfect mother
The best housekeeper
The greatest cook
The most available daughter
The most effective worker
The most helpful friend.
She is wonderful at juggling home and career
With a constant smile
And an even disposition
She is everything
To everyone
But who she is?
Marjorie Shaevitz

How many of you fall prey to the "Superwoman Syndrome"? That belief that you can do it all: the perfect family, perfect relationship, most reliable worker on the job and of course a home that looks like a page out of Better Homes and Gardens! Let me quickly rescue you from the lurches of this myth and invite you into the world of reality, sanity and BALANCE!

I must share a humorous story. While preparing for this newsletter I resurrecteda workshop I gave in the late 1980's entitled-"Dispelling the Superwoman Syndrome-Balancing Your Home Life and Your Career". The introduction described my own insanity-late at night working on the presentation; our newly adopted three month old daughter asleep in her crib, Ben was three years old and fast asleep in his bed and my husband snoring along side of me. On the television, a program entitled, Baby Boom, with Kate Jackson; a new mother voraciously reading the book Working Mother she was looking up the world guilt it was indexed from page 11 to 300. How true! As a working mother trying to care for home, my practice, the marriage and my volunteer work with the nurses association, I also felt guilt that I couldn't do it all and do it all well.
Now some twenty-one years later, the children are on their own, the marriage took a hit, I have since opened another practice and entered a new marriage, I still volunteer with the nurses association, but guilt is not part of the picture. I enjoy my life; and work at the most important "interface", balance.

I believe the issues today are the same as yesteryear- women are trying to juggle multiple roles a partner, mother, homemaker, working woman, volunteer, friend and other parts of the self. But it comes down to a simple equation: decide who and what is essential in your life and prioritize them. Just don't forget to factor yourself into the equation!

And yet, is it realistic to want it all?
There is nothing inherently wrong or bad about any woman wanting to have a career, to be a wife and a mother, and to have a home. On the contrary, there are hundreds of rights and goods about each of these roles individually or combined. And some women are successfully pulling it off, but for every woman who has combined these roles in a realistic and satisfying manner, there must be 100 who have not and are overwhelmed with the attempt!

A danger exists for those who are driven to perform these multiple and competing roles "perfectly"-such as stress symptoms that leak into the physical, emotional and interpersonal worlds. They range from headaches, grinding teeth, stomach aches, to feeling overwhelmed, irritable, pressured, depressed, and then affect relationships by a woman being short tempered with a partner, child or co-worker, more sensitive to noise, loosing things, missing appointments; and yes, having zero desire for any sexual expression. Not a pretty picture is it?

Partners of Superwomen complain most about the complexities of their lives and express some sense of disappointment at not being cared for enough; they state that their partners are not available to them except "when everything else gets done". And for many men, being sexual is a way of being intimate and gaining the lovers attention; while for many women, intimacy is a precursor to being sexual. This may sound terribly traditional and old fashioned, but it still is true. When men feel lonely and hurt, they want to be held, they want to make love. When women feel hurt, they want to be understood and talked to. This difference is very confusing and causes incredible problems between couples.

So let's talk about that "interface" the notion of BALANCE!
Commitment to a balanced life is the authentic pathway to dispel the "Superwoman Syndrome"! Here are some hot tips!!!

Tune into realistic expectations of yourself and those you love
Create quality time for the relationship with your partner
Recognize that children will always want something and require more time than you possibly have, so hit the delete button when guilt runs streaming across the radar screen
Do carve out quality time for children, special time you both can count on
Professionally be sure you are challenged, respected and have the resources to do your best work
And balance these life factors with your need for down time to sit under a tree, take a yoga class, read a book, have a girls get away weekend.

Yes, balance expectations, demands with ME time!

Please take a few minutes to complete the Striving for Balance Survey. I will be using the survey for a national presentation; but it may increase your awareness of some danger zones.